Heffernan’s Spray – April 27

Welcome to the inaugural “Heffernan’s Spray” – my chance to vent at the inept, the insipid, and the downright insulting. First up on deck – the struggling Saints, and everyone’s favourite (?) umpire, Ray Chamberlain.

St Kilda

What is going on at Moorabbin? Thank Christ I don’t barrack for them – I may have found many a high ledge prior to today. For years we have heard about the incredible talent this football side has, yet year after year their fans have to put up with disappointment. And now they have to put up with a rubbish style of football as well.

The two worst spectacles of the year have without doubt been two games featuring St Kilda – their close victory over the Swans at Telstra Dome, and their loss this weekend against AAMI Stadium against the Power. If you look back at previous contests between these sides, you won’t see any better either. A lot in the media have come out criticizing Ross Lyon for his style of play – not to mention a ton of supporters. Obviously, his style emanates from his apprenticeship under Sydney coach Paul Roos.

At a glance, it appears such a style may suit St Kilda, as like the Swans, they have a slower midfield – which is perceived to be a weakness. However, during Grant Thomas’ reign, when the Saints played exciting, attacking football, how many times did we hear the ‘experts’ talking about the Saints slow midfield? The midfield hasn’t changed. The approach has.

Up forward, the Saints have the potential to be brilliantly unpredictable. Riewoldt and Koschitzke provide excellent marking options, yet they are resigned to leading up to the wings to get the ball or trying to mark in a crowded forward line due to the side’s slow ball movement.

But why must their ball movement be slow? It’s not like the Saints don’t have the cattle. Runners like Jason Gram, Brendan Goddard, Leigh Montagna and the Clarke brothers have the pace and ability to kick over lines by foot, yet they rarely get the opportunity to showcase this and bomb the ball into the attacking 50 to the advantage of their talls. They also have inner mids such as Harvey, Ball, Hayes and the silky Dal Santo who have the ability to release these runners into space, yet it doesn’t happen nearly as often as it could.

And what about poor old Stephen Milne? I’m hardly his biggest fan, but I can admit that this bloke can change games. Give him some space to work in and he is as brilliant as small forwards come. Instead, Lyon’s game plan forces him to work in confined spaces, and gives him long enough to think about things to put pay to his instinctive brilliance and reduce him to just another brick in the wall. Coupled with Adam Schneider when he returns from a hamstring injury, and St Kilda have a mix of talls and smalls potentially as good as any team in the competition – just without the game plan to showcase it.

All this and I’m not even going to comment on how Fraser Gehrig’s impending retirement – even though we knew it was coming – has been rapidly advanced by the lack of space to work with up forward.

The Saints are fast approaching the crossroads of their season already – it’s time for them to end their proactive style, and start taking the game head on. It might not work – but they can hardly go backwards from here. And you never know, their own fans might look forward to watching them play again.

Ray Chamberlain

As bad as the umpiring has been this season, I have refrained from airing my own thoughts – I think they cop enough flak as it is, and they are often at the mercy of the totally incompetent rules committee (another issue which I will save for another day…).

But there’s something about them that does rile me up no end – it’s the ones who either think they are bigger than their role, or has a complete lack of common sense.

Ray Chamberlain scores on both fronts.

And don’t get me started on those umpire trading cards.

One of my favourite quotes in footy about umpiring is, “If you don’t notice them, they’ve done a great job”. To me – this is 100% accurate. So I get worried when we have umpires who are so well known by name. This is usually caused by one thing:

• They have made a big enough error that someone has bothered to put a name to the number on their back.

Thousands of footy fans learnt Ray Chamberlain’s name on Saturday, if they didn’t already know it.

Anyone watching Saturday’s clash between Carlton and Adelaide were surely bamboozled by a decision at a critical time in the last quarter, where after the Adelaide Crows had kicked a goal, they were awarded another free kick directly in front. The reason? Jarrod Waite had punched the ball away into the crowd as the ball came down through the big sticks.

With the game in the balance, Ray Chamberlain came striding in and showed a blatant disregard for the underrated quality of common sense by paying a free kick on the goal line to the Crows – leading to another goal and effectively killing the contest.

Now I’m sure Jeff Gieschen will back up his umpire – in fact I’m sure he already has. But surely common sense has to prevail.

The last few years has seen AFL matches clouded by umpires more than happy to leave their indelible mark on the game. Ray Chamberlain continually bobs up as the number one offender.

I for one won’t be swapping for Ray’s trading card any time soon.

Do you agree with Heffernan’s Spray? Leave us your thoughts below!