Live Updates - Collingwood Magpies v Hawthorn Hawks - Round 18 at MCG

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AFL Round 18 - Collingwood Magpies v Hawthorn Hawks - 7:40pm AEST Live from the M.C.G.

Friday Night Football coming to you tonight live from the MCG with our famous Die Hard Footy Live Updates!

Hawthorn are looking to bounce back from their close loss to the Cats against an out of sorts Magpie outfit who just might be stung into action with the criticism of their coach Mick Malthouse throughout the week.

More news coming as it happens as we count down to the opening bounce on what is set to be a ripper!

Team Changes - Pies have made 4 changes, welcoming back Josh Fraser from injury, with Goldsack, Lonie and Toovey also coming back into the fray. Rhyce Shaw takes the week off with a back injury, Johnson and Wood have been dropped and interestingly - Shane Wakelin has been rested. Wonder if he’ll ride the train to the G in his black suit?

For the Hawks, Osborne will have a ton of trouble sitting in the outer on his corked behind, and Travis Tuck has been dropped. They will be replaced in the 22 by Shane Crawford and the tree trunks of Stuart Dew.

Resident gun tipster SB (yep he tipped Freo last week … AND THEY WON) has kicked off our Round 18 Tipping Preview by predicting a Hawks win, covering the 15.5 point spread. I have been known to get conned by the Pies in the past and am currently considering whether 3.03 available for the Pies could be value for a team that can come from nowhere in big games. Still a couple of hours to think it over.

Into the bourbon early for me in an effort to kick start these live updates. Guest contributor K. Moore set the bar high in his cameo a few weeks back and it’s time to meet the standard.

Footage from the rooms with Micky M on the mark as they watch Ryan Lonie run wide kicking for goal - planning for Buddy Franklin no doubt. Interested to see if the Pies have a few tricks up their sleeve.

Big shout out to all our Die Hard Footy fans out there - we’ve cracked a record day for traffic today and look forward to bringing all the great AFL action to you no matter where in the world you are.

Stuey Dew getting a bit of a rub on the lower back in the warm up - from the look of things he’s still carrying enough to suggest he won’t be affected by the cold as much as the likes of Golden Balls Goldsack from the Pies who is still struggling to stay upright through a strong gust of wind.

One of the coldest nights of the year according to Olarenshaw - I was at the G for Pies v Cats earlier in the year and fair dinkum it was -2 in the concrete jungle that is the MCG - might see the odd ping of the hammy tonight. Stuey Dew a likely candidate.

First Quarter

19:27 - First goal Hawks! Unselfish give by Cyril to Stuey Dew who tests out the hammy with an early snap for full points! 6-0 Hawks. Welcome back Stuey!

19:00 - Strong mark by Roughie over Brown and he’ll go back for a shot about 45 on a tight angle. Kicking has been somewhat shaky lately but no problem with this one and the Hawks have the jump. Sets the scene for a big night for Roughie with the confidence up early. 12-0.

18:00 - Umpires tonight James, McLaren and Jeffrey. McLaren sure to be immaculate after my spray of him midweek.

16:40 - Finally the Pies get past halfway and it results in a shot on goal from Daisy Thomas, but he can’t make the distance and it’s rushed through. 12-1.

15:35 - Hawks run it straight up the other end and it ends up with a Buddy shot on goal. Gun barrel straight from Buddy Love and it’s 18-1. Ominous signs! Hawks have the spread covered already in a blistering start!

15:00 - Clearance to the Pies and Didak spots up another Pie after his early pass to Thomas. This time he finds Pendlebury he sneaks it inside the right goal post for the Collingwood reply. Action aplenty at the G and it’s 18-7 Hawks.

14:30 - McLaren into the game! Franklin outmarks Bruiser Maxwell who then pulls one of his UFC moves to sling Buddy after the mark. McLaren duly responds with a call of 50m and Buddy has 2 early! 24-7. Fair call from McLaren it has to be said - Maxwell won’t agree but he was clutching at straws calling for a touched ball.

13:15 - Tom Murphy with his first turnover of the night. Has been rookie listed by the McPhee Allstars this kid, needs to be much cleaner with the pill.

12:00 - Heath Shaw seems to have avoided a tag tonight so he might get the nurry into his hands a bit for once.

10:00 - Den Cometti is permanently miked up these days it seems. I reckon Channel 7 is in fear that he’s going to come up with a ripping analogy and they’re going to miss it. The result is we hear every OH EW AND AWW Den parts with for the night.

9:00 - Dew and Lonie duke it out on the flank in a classic battle of two footballers somewhat left behind by the modern game.

8:10 - Cyril takes a shot at the miraculous but just pushes it too far across. 25-7. Pies kicking has been horrendous as they continue to turn it over.

6:50 - Buddy gets on the end of another one on the lead. Maxwell having all sorts keeping up with him. Buddy starts this one out to the left and leaves it hanging out there, it’s 26-7.

5:35 - He may be carrying a bit but he still has great smarts Stuey Dew - a wonderful sweeping handball to Ellis sets up Bateman and a quick kick at goal is good! 32-7 Hawks and they are running absolute riot. Harry O has just been moved off Cyril gasping for breath.

5:10 - Now a shot to Cam Stokes, but he just missed from 50 with a shot that would have boosted the young lads confidence. 33-7.

3:45 - Forget the black fighting gloves of Bruiser Maxwell because Buddy is treating him like a rag doll as he brushes him aside to set up The Rough One for yet another. Old fashioned shellacking in the first term here - 39-7. Surely Shane Wakelin didn’t need a rest?

1:45 - Could have been total disaster for Bruiser but he gets away with a hands in the back and Pendlebury bobs up to wrap up Buddy who’s pinged for holding the ball. Pies absolutely under siege.

0:55 - Wellingham has a shot on goal but rushed through. 39-8 Hawks

0:40 - Anthony takes a mark at 50. Then kicks into the man on the mark and gives away a free kick to Hodge. At least his hair is starting to grow back I guess.

Quarter time arrives as the big hooter sounds and it’s the Hawks 6.3.39 all over the Maggies 1.2.8.

Jordan Lewis and Sam Mitchell lead all ball magnets with 10 touches each, whereas H. Shaw is relishing running free with 8 of his own. In fact he is the only Pie with more than 5 touches in a pretty clear insight as to the dominance of the game by the Hawks.

Even though I’m out of Eliminator and Dream Team is a sore spot I’ll keep you guys updated - Buddy Love is off to a flier with 39, trailed up by his mate Roughie with 37. Trav Cloke continues to stink it up for the Pies - he’s got 5, except if you are a SuperCoach nerd where he has an ugly -6.

Second Quarter

18:45 - Pies come out firing but like a staunch Catholic girl, the Hawks resist their early advances… Pies disposal continues to be pitiful.

17:10 - Pendlebury has a chance now to kick his, and the Pies, second goal of the game after taking a good mark up forward. Shocking kick with a Buddy-like swerve on it and he misses by a fair way. 39-9.

15:30 - Xav Ellis has come off second best in a big bump on the wing with Pendles, and is coming off breathing in the deep ones. In the meantime, Buddy has just bent one around that Sandy Roberts would be proud of and kicked another as the Hawks go further ahead. 45-9. Apparently Ellis got himself in the ribs with an elbow, which is unfortunate as he must be leading players on the ground in the Chicken Wing department.

13:15 - Hodge tries his luck from 60 but can only register a behind. 46-9. Shout out to my boy Khy in the comments - great to hear your feedback - hope the game is going your way!

12:35 - Poor old Harry O probably still has nightmares from when Fevola carved him up at the G weeks ago and now he’s on Buddy who is treating him with contempt. Couldn’t convert on that one tho Buddy - 47-9. Ps Didak has just kicked one literally 2m looking for a teammate - possibly the shortest kick I’ve ever seen. Hawks backline also continues to stand up to anything the Pies throw at them.

11:00 - Another shot coming up for the Hawks. This time Roughnut, but he sprays it to the left and it’s 48-9. Could really be 4 goals more too.

9:30 - Swan has a shot for the Pies about 25m out directly in front after a cheap free and knowing Swan and all my mates of the same last name he’s definitely a chance to miss. Bang right on cue he hits the post. Pies really needed that.

8:30 - Xav Ellis back out there after trying to break his own ribs. Talk about a He-man.

8:00 - The NT Hawk boys Cyril and Cam Stokes are just wreaking havoc with their tackling and pressure like a couple of panthers.

7:10 - Another behind to Swan, this time hacking one out of mid air. Pies go man on man on the huddle for the kick in and Hawks go end to end and find Buddy on the end. Twinkletoes Buddy gives Harry O the goose step and runs to 50 but sprays the kick for another behind. It’s 49-11 and the game has got to the point where Bruce is talking up Buddy’s chances on Dancing With The Stars. Thank god Buddy wouldn’t be stupid enough to even consider it.

5:55 - Another rushed behind to the Pies. 49-12.

5:10 - Finally Meddy snags a sausage for the Pies as he sends one of his trademark high arc kicks through the middle. 49-18.

5:00 - Wonderful form from Khy in the comments. Bourbon drinking Eagles supporter - definitely at the top of the food chain of life. I’m the same mate.

4:52 - Must stay up to speed as Buddy gets a soft free which is the last thing Harry O needed. Hahaha god another point. 50-18. Have another shot Buddy. He will in about 20 seconds. Nup he’s given away one in the back - typical Buddy style.

4:00 - JACK!! Big strong grab from the ugly domed Anthony who’s hair can’t grow back quicker. Finds Didak for a shot on goal and Diddy eats it up. 50-24. Jack Anthony definitely worthy of a sponsorship from Harry’s Hair Hat Emporium to get that mug covered up.

3:00 - Here come the Pies! Daisy takes a ripper - held it about as long as Gary Ablett Srs grab over Gary Pert. Need this one Pies. Daisy swings it wide however - costly as they have their run going - they need to capitalise on the board.

2:00 - Heeeeeeeere’s Harry! Harry O’s pushed forward and taken a ripper! Been watching Buddy kick them over his head though because he misses as well! Any danger of a goal lads?

1:05 - Thats more like it Buddy! Like former Clarence underage great Rowan Johns, Buddy swoops on a dropped chest mark (his admittedly) and kicks truly from a 40m snap. I can’t even type quick enough before he’s in the action again but he’s stiff not to get a free kick for too high. He’s got 4, and it’s 56-26.

0:24 - Never a truer word spoken than this comment I’ve just received on MSN - ‘Never trust a Lonie’

Siren sounds for interval of the Buddy Love show. Out come the lads swinging the chocolate boxes and spruiking the not-nearly-as-hot-as-before-the-game pies. I’m not even halfway through my 440ml Man’s Can of Beam and Coke - it’s been an exciting first half.

Buddy Love has 4.4 from 6 grabs, 76 DT pts and a monster 101 in SC. The man is an animal. Bateman 59, Gilham 58, Mitchell 57, Didak 56 and Guerra 55 round out the leading DT’ers. Trav Cloke improved to 30 in DT but still a whopping 6 in SC - you can probably guess he has had very little impact. Poor old Harry O has a -6.

Enough fantasy scores let’s look at the real stuff. 17 touches for Sammy Mitchell and Scotty Burns, 16 for Jordan Lewis, 15 for Swan. Gilham has a huge 10 uncontested marks - and none contested. Talk about cheap possies down back.

Enjoy the break - I’m going to put the fingertips on ice or maybe a cold can and give the keyboard a chance for the fire to go out. Join me for the second half - anyone give the Pies a chance? Maybe only if Buddy’s kicking continues to go the way Anna Kournikova’s serve used to go.

Third Quarter

20:00 - Buddy having a run on the wing to start the second half.

19:30 - Love the way Xav Ellis goes about his footy. Just got pinged for holding the ball where most would argue, but he gets straight onto the mark with his hands up and not a word to the umpire. Class act.

19:00 - Not Harry O’s night - just got falconed by the Sherrin. Falcon - to cop one in the noggin.

18:00 - Of all the Hawks firepower up forward, have a guess who is at Full Forward? Stuey Dew. Guerra concedes a behind. 56-27.

17:25 - Croad gives away a free to the narrow-headed skull Anthony. Jack pumps it through as Jordan Lewis gives away 50m for encroaching the mark. The 50 wasn’t required. Pies back in the game here. 56-33.

17:00 - Huge leap by Daisy Thomas, but his mitts have been far from sticky lately and he can’t complete the grab. Don’t sigh Pies fans - Pendlebury has just snapped another one! Pies are COMING! 56-39.

16:00 - Kain Moore fans out there - he cut Pendlebury this week in Premium Dream Team in favour of Dalziell. Fair to say I swooped on him. Bet him and his big nose are at home feeling sick at this minute as Pendles is putting on a great display. Another rushed behind to the Pies. 56-40.

15:00 - Bruce is sensing a shift. He’s about the last bloke on that wagon. Guess what Pie fans - ANOTHER GOAL! Heater goes running into an open goal and bangs it home from 30, and isn’t he happy! Granted, he did the same when he ran onto the ground and didn’t see a dirty scragger come to him, but I think he was pretty happy about that goal too. 56-46!

14:25 - Buddy snaps another one! 40m out and it couldn’t go any straighter! Hawks with a much needed reply, and it’s back to 16 pts - 62-46.

12:45 - Buddy - he of super pace on the lead, and on the biggest treadmill in the world when his opponent has the pill. Bruiser Maxwell concedes as the Hawks are getting going again. 63-46.

12:00 - Chris Bryan is copping a hiding from all 4 lads in the box about being in ‘Na Na Land’. Starting ruckman for the McPhee Allstars is sitting on the pine now. Buddy is wreaking havoc up forward but they’re getting numbers back. Another rushed behind. OH MADNESS! Harry O and Heath Shaw royally F&@# it up down back and Buddy feeds Roughie for an easy goal. TOTAL MAYHEM! That one will hurt the Pies no end. 70-46.

11:00 - Hawks forward again and Roughie finds Gilham floating into space. Looking for his second career goal. Cop that Pies! It’s back to the half time margin, and surely that has to put the nail right through the Maggies. 76-46.

9:00 - Lull in play - OH HOLD THE PHONE BLOCKA! Things are too slow for McLaren! Time to ping someone for a random 50, and it brings Heath Shaw within range. Justice is done as the kick is a total mung and doesn’t score. Deliberate paid against Hawks and Leon to have a snap. Shocker, and it’s a behind. 76-47.

8:00 - I can finally release what I was about to - Heath Shaw is flying along tonight, and resident ‘I don’t even touch my team’ Dream Teamer SB took the punt to drop Heath Shaw this week for Rick Ladson. Work SB!!! Hodge and Croad are limping around behind the play. Buddy journeys down to midfield to get pinged for holding the ball - I’m sure he just forgets he has to dispose of it when he’s tackled sometimes. Except when he’s within kicking range.

6:18 - Cyril has a shot from the same pocket as the first quarter and gives it another decent crack. Hits the post though! 77-47.

5:38 - Lovely long kick from Hodge finds Williams on the bounce 10m out and a bit of fancy footwork results in a snapped goal. Hawks going away now. 83-47.

5:30 - Trent Croad off the field with a leg injury. Not especially serious I wouldn’t have thought. As I type - Pies turn it over yet again.

3:40 - Hawks out of trouble by rushing a behind. 83-48.

2:00 - Didak finds the deformed cranium Anthony, who finds Daisy in the pocket. Thomas has that rushed through from TWENTY SIX METRES OUT. His kicking is totally horrendous right now. 83-49.

That will be the end of action for the quarter as the Hawks play a bit of ‘tempo footy’.

So after the charge by the Pies, the Hawks have actually increased their lead from half time to 34 points.

Sammy Mitchell continues to chalk it up with 27 touches to 3 quarter time. Lewis has 26, Hodge 24 after a monster 3rd term, and Dane Swan leads the Pies with 22.

Good news to those who have stuck by Heath Shaw (Hi SB!!!) - he’s got 85 DT points at the break, with 82 for Pendles (Hi Kain!!!!). Hodge’s 3rd term has rocketed him to 95, and Mitchell keeps on keeping on with 85. Worst SC score on the ground now sits squarely on Chris Bryan’s shoulders - he has -4 and has been beyond pitiful.

Onto the final term … but I think it’s going to be a mere procession for the Hawks - they just have too many options. That, and SB tipped us all the -15.5 Hawks so they will cruise home without doubt.

Final Quarter

20:00 - Geez not even enough time to take the smooth, cold beam from my lips and Buddy has taken a grab to kick off the final term. Kicking for 6 - OUCH. He’s rolled it out over the boundary line hahaha.

18:00 - SB’s boy Heath Shaw leading from the square to take a good grab. Tough shot for goal but he has nailed it - that’s 12 points SB!!! 83-55. Bloody good kick by Shaw.

17:00 - Guerra sneaks forward for his old days with no hair as a goalsneak but has forgotten which sticks to stick it between and can only score a behind. 84-55. MCLAREN BACK IN THE ACTION - pinging Heath Shaw for a deliberate. Action aplenty with My Man McLaren!!!

15:40 - Stuey Dew - the man with the raking left boot - also has a raking long handpass apparently as he’s just set up another goal by feeding it back to Sewell who shows his more fancied forward team mates how easy it is to slide one through the guts. 90-55.

14:50 - Leon - very very good at the snap with the sting out of the game. Harsh? Maybe, but he’s been poor tonight, injured or not. Gets himself a goal there though. 90-61.

14:46 - Croad striding back out there, looking really good to the eye of Ricky O.

14:20 - Roughie bobs up hitting one at pace to mark inside 50. Shot on goal is beautiful for his 4th. 96-61.

12:50 - Quiet times but never fear - MCLAREN!!! Pinging blokes for deliberate since Jesus was a boy. Doesn’t matter if you roll it 40m along the boundary under pressure - you’re gone! He’s going to have to take a backward seat though because heeeeeeere’s BUDDDDDDY!!!!! How will he go with this one? Umpire James sorts out the Pies who have been crowding Buddy’s 5m area but it still doesn’t matter, Buddy hooks another one for a behind. 97-61.

10:40 - Ever noticed all the Pies with 2 first names as their names? John Anthony … Josh Fraser… Chris Bryan… Dale Thomas… anyone think of any more? Quiet time obviously, until the big Roughie hits another ball at pace and will have a shot for 5.

9:40 - Stinker. Out on the full.

8:10 - If I hadn’t laughed at Trav Cloke’s sh*thouse SC score I wouldn’t have known he was playing til he just took that grab on the outer side. As opposed to RoughNut.com who is taking marks all over the joint.

7:10 - Simon - Leon Davis. Bingo! How about Marty Clarke?

6:10 - Nick Maxwell. ZING!!!

5:22 - Buddy swoops on a crumb and snaps another one! 6 for Buddy! I’m thinking he should definitely kick snaps for goal - they do it in International Rules games don’t they? PS - I think I’m out of players with 2 first names for the Pies - maybe Sammy Mitchell will be traded there? Vicious rumours indeed. Up the other end Jack Anthony kicks a behind. It’s 103-62.

4:00 - MAYBE THEY SHOULD TRADE FOR LANCE FRANKLIN? Surely everyone knows Franklin off My Wife And Kids. Speaking of Lance, he has just stuck through a boomer from 50m in the pocket for his 7th. He is a dead set star! After Fev’s comments to the Bulldogs runner - hate to hear what Buddy’s been saying to the Pie runner all night … let alone Bruiser Maxwell and Harry O.

3:03 - Bugger off he’s got it again! Just a behind though - but straight up and smothering a kick in his desperation for 8. Bruce thinks he is the best athlete we’ve ever seen. HELLO KOUTA!

1:30 - You blokes in the comments are fair dinkum smoking. So is Buddy! Number 8. I can’t keep up. My beam is 3/4 full for christ’s sake. 116-62. Good old belting. Have to give it another one of these … BUDDDDYYYYYYY LLLLOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEE!!!!

0:35 - Poor old Meddy. Taken us back to your Freo days tonight mate. Barry Crocker. But he’s going to get a cheap one after the siren … let’s see how high he kicks this one through. Sums up the night with a total munt job that doesn’t register a score. And without that Bruce is off to Beijing - wouldn’t be surprised if Theo Fukanopolis is waiting out front with a cab to get him to the airport in 20 minutes.

And with that, a thumping Hawk win. 17.14.116 to the Pies meek 8.14.62.

A subdued final term was more than spiced up by the Buddy Love show and some excellent work by the lads in the comments.

So let’s wrap things up - I know you’re hanging out for DT scores. 139 for Big Bad Buddy. 125 for Hodge. 116 for Mitch, 110 Lewis, 107 Roughy, 105 Birch, 104 Gilham, 103 Guerra. Big scores for the Hawks. For the Pies - Hey Kain - Pendles 108. Hey SB - Shaw 107. Didak 108 also.

Big night for the ball magnets. 38 for Lewis. 35 Mitch, 32 for Hodgey. 28 for Birch, Xav, Guerra and Diddy for the Pies. Buddy had 21 touches to go with his 8 goals - 8 goals 6 behinds and at least a couple of out of bounds in a huge night for the young superstar.

So tonight the Hawks proved they really are the real deal, the Pies continue to try and prove they really are no good, and we discovered an absurd amount of players in the game who’s name consisted of 2 first names. And once again, SB gets the mustard with his tip of Hawks -15.5. Until next time, thanks for reading, thanks for all the comments, and thanks for supporting Die Hard Footy. I’m going to put my fingers in a bucket of ice and suck down the rest of my Beam through a straw. Have a good night!