Pies Withdraw from Cousins Chase - & Avoid Heading the 9 Top Off-Field Tag-Teams in AFL History!

Posted by Jesse Penfold

October 22, 2008

With the summer’s biggest story heating up, the life and times of Ben Cousins, Collingwood has taken itself out of what appeared like a two horse race:

COLLINGWOOD has withdrawn from the race to recruit Ben Cousins, leaving St Kilda as the hot favourite to secure him if the AFL clears him to resume his career.

Cousins’ manager, Ricky Nixon, confirmed last night that the Magpies had informed him that they would not be pursuing Cousins in the draft — a decision believed to based on a raft of reasons, including the club’s preference for youth, concerns about injury and his well-documented issues with drugs and even the potential impact on sponsorship in the current environment.

After long stretches of housing some of the worst off-field incidents in the league, Collingwood finally appear to be making the right decision. Firstly shipping off Rhyce Shaw and a bunch of booze to Sydney, and now avoiding possibly the most dangerous off-field antiques duo in the history of the AFL by not chasing Ben Cousins. Not since Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson paired up to cause the malice at the palace in the States had their been a more certain collision course with disaster than the prospect of Ben Cousins and Alan Didak at the same football club.

Honestly, can anyone say that there is a situation these two could end up in that would be shocking? I can’t think of one. If they ended up heading their own underworld gang called the Collingwood Crew, split up in a Carl Williams-Moran like encounter because Cousins was doing more ice than he was selling, began another set of gangland murders and ended up with their own TV series titled Bens Belly a.k.a Such is Life, seriously I wouldn’t be surprised.

Given the fact we have just missed out on witnessing the craziest combo in AFL history, and that leaves open the likely event of a reuniting between two of the West’s bad boys, we thought it was time to take at a look at the top 9 off-field duo’s in AFL history:

9 - Ivan Maric and John Meesen of the Adelaide Crows; posted hand-drawn pornographic pictures on a website accessible to children. Including if only for the absolute randomness in terms of AFL off field crimes, you can just picture this being thought up by Beavis and Butt-Head while watching MTV.

8 – Brendan Fevola and alcohol; not necessarily the worst incidents, but in terms of sheer impact on both the club and Fev himself (the man should be straight up the best forward in the game if he had his head straight), and their ongoing nature, this ranks up there. Not to mention the amount of laughs he and “the booze” have provided; whether it is urinating on fences or providing the best karaoke session since Chip Douglas.

7 – Alan Didak and Heath Shaw; went on a booze filled run down the back streets on a Monday night and colliding with a pick-up truck. We all know the story by now, Shaw lied about Didak being in the car, when it was discovered both were suspended for the rest of 2008 and effectively ruined any chance the Pies had of contending. One again Eddie became the centre of attention

(In a side note, not only are we being robbed of the Didak/Cousins era, but we also miss out on a trio of Didak, Cousins and Shaw that could have rivalled the tales of Mick, Dick and the Duck that one famous night).

6 - Peter Burgoyne and Adam Heuskes; were charged with sexual assault but charges later dropped by the South Australian Director of Public Prosecutions after he did not consider a conviction likely. This may violate the “duo” rules as Michael O’Loughlin was involved after the fact in allegedly paying off the woman $200,000.

5 - Laurence Angwin and Karl Norman; turning up to training under influence of ecstasy. While this may not seem all that bad now in the post-Cousins era, at the time these were like the Jackie Robertson (first black player in America’s National Baseball League) of recreational drug taking in the AFL in that they opened the league and media’s eyes to the problem.

4 – Darren Millane and Dennis Banks; stole a bus, hopefully it was one of those yellow American style school buses – RIP Darren.

3 – Wayne Carey and Keli Stevens; being caught in the bathroom, beginning the downward spiral of the Ducks career, having him ceremoniously removed from the Kangaroos, starting a scandal the media still hasn’t gotten over, the Adelaide v Kanga’s match were not even the Crows players (let alone the tribunal) would have lifted a finger if Archer and Stevens had beaten Carey to a pulp, and lest we forget, the Straunnie parody.

And really this doesn’t even capture it all, if not for Ben Cousins and Carey’s recent incidents these two would probably still at the Australian media forefront.

2 – Ben Cousins and Daniel Chick; there are some images you will just never forget, unfortunately for me it is that of a topless, drugged up Cousins staggering out of the car and being taken downtown. Now before you attack my sexuality, it wasn’t the body that made it memorable, more the sight of West Coasts future being squashed like a squirrel on the side of a highway, while Chickies Keith Richards like face looked on giddily.

1 – Ben Cousins and Michael Gardiner; the two that seemingly started it all out in the Wild West. In 2005 they were allegedly involved a shooting at a Perth nightclub as well as disposing evidence. This incident on its own isn’t that much to go on, but throw in the fact that they were linked to underworld figures, and how both stars careers played out after this:

- Gardiner went on to feature in a multiple car pile up while drink driving and get suspended from the WCE FC, since he picked up with St. Kilda and showed nothing of his former best ruckman in the competition form.
- Cousins went on to fleeing a DUI, several drunk in disorderly, a drug addiction, showing up at training in worse shape than River Phoenix’s final days, the mythical chicks and blow story, may or may not have caused WCE to lose the best player in the competition, the topless arrest discussed above, booted from the club, and an AWOL bender in California.

The aftermath of all this, West Coast went from a premiership side complete with youth that was set to dominate the competition for the rest of the decade, to the second worst team in the league that was facing a massive rebuilding journey in just 2 seasons. This duo triggered one of the biggest collapses in sports.

…And the team favoured to re-sign Ben Cousins with Collingwood now out of the mix? St. Kilda. You have to love the AFL.