Top 10 Warning Signs Dream Team Is Ruining AFL For You
As we hit the midway point of the AFL’s useless split round for 2008 there isn’t a whole lot going on, particularly for us Dream Teamers who had their teams locked in for two weekends last Friday. This makes it as a good a time as any to reveal my 10 reasons for Dream Team ruining football for me as a spectator.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Dream Team as much as anyone. It makes games not involving your team interesting (and you don’t even have to have money on the match, but we all know it is better if you do), it gives you something to watch in the tankfests that occur after round 13 (it has been particularly valuable to me this season as a West Coast fan), and it is responsible for a 50% production drop for those in office jobs. But as with Ben Cousins, the positives bring negatives.
Here are the top 10 warning signs Dream Team is ruining AFL for you as a spectator:
10. You know what each stat is worth in Dream Team off the top of your head and the number pops into your head whenever your player racks up a score.
Even worse though, is when you know all your opponents team members and the number pops up every time they score as well If you’re finding the relevant Dream Team number pops up every time any player gets a stat – in your Dream Team or not – then there is no hope for you - you are no longer a football fan. You’re now simply a bunch of Dream Team 2’s, 3’s, 4’s, and -3’s. You’re a Dream Team Geek.
Note – if you play Super Coach, then think yourself lucky the scoring formula is guarded more closely than a parent guards their child at a Michael Jackson concert – you won’t be seeing these numbers in your sleep.
9. You know the highest scoring play in the game.
(The mark, kick, goal possession?? 12 DT points…try again, the tackle, force holding the ball in front of goal, kick, goal possession – 14 DT points).
8. Before Dream Team, a tackle wasn’t a proper tackle unless your player drove the opponent into the turf with a bone crunching hit and wiped his nose in the mud.
Once you sign up for Dream Team, you find yourself worrying about every bloody tackle in the entire game – any jumper grab, gang tackles, it’s all important to the end goal and you go insane thinking about it. No longer do you yell out BAAAWWWLLLLL – instead, your mates (well, if they don’t have the Dream Team bug they’re more acquaintances) look on in disbelief as you argue endlessly over whether Michael Osborne’s glancing bump should land you 4 points in the book.
7. As a game between two teams you have zero emotional involvement in approaches, you begin contemplating the best way it can play out to help your Dream Team score.
The strangest example of this is having a Dream Team squad filled with the Adelaide backline. All of a sudden your hatred of the Crows is replaced by rapturous delight as the Crows reload again from half-back with a series of short passes and give-and-gos.
6. You now send text messages to mates during game not just when your team is getting ripped off, but when your Dream Team player is getting ripped off.
We all know how the advantage rule can wreak havoc with your Dream Team score when Stevie J’s snap is mysteriously disallowed to let Tom Hawkins spray one from 30m. Inconsequential say the commentators – you know better.
5. You watch all games with a wireless laptop in front of you, with afl.com.au’s live gameday, dreamteamtalk’s and fanfooty’s live scores all open to keep constant tabs on your player’s scores.
(Laptop + AFL game + touch pad + TV remote + Dream Team + beer = trouble).
4. You get half time and full time Dream Team score updates via SMS when you cannot access the Internet.
(I am all for it if you only get full time updates, but half time as well is a sign you are well and truly f^$ked).
3. You are delirious when two of your players play possession football in the backline and annoy all those around you by calling this latest fad ‘the greatest tactic since Pagan’s Paddock.
Even if this is a close game late in the fourth quarter, you no longer boo but instead cheer ‘clock management’ and have your own footy to hold high above your head.
2. You have cursed, slammed your fist on the table, punched the wall, thrown the remote or smashed something for any of the following reasons:
• your DT player hand balls when they could kick
• your DT player drops a soda of a mark in the clear
• your DT player gives away a free
• your gun back pocket attracts a tag (hello Heath Shaw)
• your DT player gets a free, but advantage is given to another player (in front of goal this may warrant wall punching)
• your low scoring back men is not getting involved in the short pass after a point
• your player is not getting involved in clock management or “tempo” footy
And finally the big one…
1. You find yourself cheering on your Dream Team players at the expense of the team you support.
I am sorry; this is where I draw the line. Crossing it is not only first degree sports bigamy, but it is really the start of the end. Hand in your Aussie citizenship and book some time on the couch, and no I do not mean with Gerard Healy (although you might find him in the waiting room…).
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Comments
Does giving a big psssst count against number 1 when Gablett dobbed one against the Eagles?
If so … I’m F#^ked
Top post, can relate to most of these. Altho at time it has put my relationship under pressure. The GF just doesn’t get it!
i can safely say i have not crossed point number 1 but cant say the same about some others!!! 2008 is year of the hawk!!!
On the last point (or is it the first?), “1. You find yourself cheering on your Dream Team players at the expense of the team you support.” I am happy to do that if my team is up by ten goals in the last quarter.
[…] minutes to kick off - need something to pass the time? Check out our Top 10 Warning Signs Dream Team Is Ruining AFL For You - and make sure you don’t fall victim during tonight’s game! Although to be fair - […]
HAHAHA this is classic, so know what you mean.
“you no longer boo but instead cheer ‘clock management’ and have your own footy to hold high above your head”
That made me spit out my museli, great post, keep them coming.